Improving Father-Child Relationships
Luanna Rodham
Looking back on Father's Day, it seems appropriate to look at father-child relationships. A father's role has changed over the past 50 years. More than just providers, fathers now are more hands on with their children. We don't just have "soccer moms" anymore. We now have "soccer dads" as well.
However, all fathers--at one time or another--feel that they just aren't as in touch, or involved, with their children as they should be. They feel the frustration of not knowing what to do to improve those precious relationships. Fathering can be difficult, but in the long run they are only children in our homes for a short amount of time; so, every private moment, every talk, every hug--counts. But how do you make it count? Here are some ways to "make it count" and improve that important relationship with your children.
The Strength of Humility
Homeschooling expert, Lisa Preston recommends that you "develop a heart of humility toward life and your family. If you mess up, genuinely admit your sorrow and ask for forgiveness. The men with the strongest family relationships are those strong enough to say, 'I'm sorry. Will you please forgive me?'"
Do What They Want and Get Involved
"Get involved with what your children want to do, not just what dad wants to or feels is best for them," says Bruce Galle. "The smile on their face will make it all worth it to you. I did not want my children to ride BMX as it can be a tough sport. My daughter broke her collarbone this past year in a race. But to see them smile and also automatically excelling in their school grades, I am happy I allowed them to do what they really wanted to do. Then don't sit back; rather, go and partake by watching or even assisting in whatever they choose. You will not only bond with them, changing their lives for the better, but they will change yours for the better as well."
The Problem with Yelling
"Some dads use yelling as a primary parenting technique because it controls behavior. However, the child does not learn to take responsibility for actions and think for itself. Yelling as a preferred parenting strategy leads to overly compliant or rebellious kids. Let the kids know potential consequences for problem behaviors and enforce those with as little talk as possible. Think of the kind of adult that you want to raise and help the kids think for themselves to make good choices," says Dr. Linda Miles, Marriage and Family Therapist
Give Attention, Not Just Time
Branding and naming expert, Phil Davis relates, "As a business owner and father of five rambunctious children, I've often struggled with the goal of setting aside time for each of my kids (as if successful parenting were only that simple). Over the past few years I've noticed though that our kids don't really want our time... they want our attention. And believe me, time is much easier to give. Attention requires being in the moment, without a running agenda in the brain, fully available for what that moments holds."
Phillip Davis continues, "It's about hearing vs. listening and sensing who in the bunch needs to be tuned in when you feel like tuning out. If you recall your own childhood, you might find that some of the most significant moments with your own father were ones that seemed outwardly insignificant, almost ordinary. It probably wasn't a huge birthday gift, but simpler, more affirming gestures -- a trip with just him to get doughnuts, help with your volcano science project, holding a funeral for one of your pets. What children crave most is the one thing we find so hard to give, our very presence. It seems such an inadequate gift, so invisible and intangible. But it's the one that lasts a lifetime. On this Father's Day the greatest thing you can ever give your family is simply you. And that will always be more than enough."
About the Author
Luanna is a Virtual Assistant and Staff Editor for IdeaMarketers. She helps small business owners save their precious time by taking care of the basic needs they have to keep their businesses up and running.
Luanna Rodham may be contacted at http://www.ideamarketers.com/experts/marriage.cfm.
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Reprinted with Permission from IdeaMarketers.com